Book. "Hermitine" read online

Hermitine

Jessi Fever

Story about:
sciencefiction, divergent

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Rating:
1
2 3 93

Ranking:
#77 in Fantasy
#79 in Young adult


On Hold: 18 Aug 4 pages

Publication: 18.08.2019 — ...


Description of book "Hermitine"

This book is about a girl named Phoenix who lives in outer space. There are groups which everyone and anyone is born into apart from one which is gold blooded and everyone knows of them but has never actually seen them.

Comments on book:

Total number of threads: 3

Angel Lederhouse 19.08.2019, 18:15:31

nice ideas

Roza Csergo 18.08.2019, 16:53:20

Hi. I read your story. Can't wait to see how you develop the storyline. Hope you update soon.
Would you please consider follow for a follow? I'd love to connect with you.

Celeste I. 18.08.2019, 06:59:10

Well, the sentence structures need some work, as well as the lack of commas, it makes it hard to read in some places. The opening has a lot of exposition, and the characters aren't defined or established well enough yet, but that can change as the story progresses. There's potential for the story to go somewhere, it just needs some tweaking in the structural and writing department I feel like. The description is also hard to understand (And doesn't seem to be any conflict. Is it just about the groups living in space aside from one different one?)

Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm not saying to hurt you, I'm trying to give out some constructive criticism. Just keep that in mind when working on the next couple of chapters.

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