365 Days Without You

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I could hear the fireworks, and the cheering from the party. It was midnight, and instead of celebrating with my peers, I was in bed crying. Andrew and I started arguing over something small yesterday, and it escalated into everything we’ve been holding in for months now.

Even though I already knew that it was going to happen sooner or later, I was still utterly devastated. Turns out, our relationship really couldn’t survive the distance. And what did I expect? With me going to college three hours away, and Andrew finding a job further out, successfully bringing that three to a five. It was always headed for disaster.

Seems like were arguing everyday leading up to the final explosion. How can you argue with someone who’s 1000 miles away from you? And on NEW YEAR’S EVE TOO? Come on!

I took a deep breath, finally crawling out of the fetal position. I had erased his name from my phone, deleted all of our messages, and changed his date of birth as my password. I just wanted to rid him out of my life. I was always wondering if I loved him more, and I had my answer countless times and chose to ignore it.

I guess that’s why they say “love is blind”, it’s not that you can’t see, it’s just that you don’t want to.

What a way to bring in the New Year, I thought to myself sarcastically. Single and alone.

I couldn’t help but go cry in my car, glad that most of the dorms were vacant because of the holidays. I was amongst the few students that decided not to go home. Because of that fact, there was only one party happening tonight, it was a pajama party held by the sorority next to my dorms.

Luckily, they weren’t breaking up with their boyfriends on New Year’s Eve or in the car crying about it. They were celebrating, looking forward to seeing what this year held for them. I couldn’t look forward. I was still stuck in right now. And I probably would be for a while.

I hate to be dramatic, but how do you move forward when you’ve lost someone that you made all of your plans with?

After college we were supposed to get an apartment together in the city, we even talked about marriage at one point. I thought he was my forever.

Our plan was always to be together in the end, but now there is no together. So where do I begin?


Edited: 21.02.2019

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