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BIT 31: GOOD AND BAD NEWS
You are truly one of the worst mother ####ing pieces of #### I have ever met. And I have met some real lowlifes. I cannot believe I actually fell for your mother ####ling lies. You told me you loved me. You told me you wanted to be with me. You told me you wanted to ####ing wanted to marry me. You mother ####er! I can’t even think of how to describe how much I hate you. I lied when we first met and told you I had a jock boyfriend because I was afraid I might get attached to you. I always figured it would end with one of us dying and the other having to go on. I hoped you could go on, because I knew I couldn’t.
Once I fall in love, I LOVE. I give someone my heart. I was ready to fly you from your city to mine. I was EVEN going to have you stay as long as you wanted. A few days I worried, a week I hoped for at least. But then maybe you’d never want to leave. Maybe you wanted to stay with me forever and never leave. Never abandon me like every other guy has.
I had crushed before like every girl does, but unlike those girls, I wasn’t about to throw myself on the guy and give it up. I wanted to wait for the right time—The right person. The most wonderful person I’d ever meet. To think I THOUGHT that was you Zycuh. Jason—A name you probably lied about. Like you lied to me. #####er.
I loved you so much. So Bobdamn much. I couldn’t wait to meet you in person—See your face for the first time. I couldn’t even comprehend how great of a feeling it would be embracing you. I wanted to feel your warmth against mine. To touch your skin. To feel our noses touch, our lips meet, our tongues play. Look at me being a Bobdamn romantic. Zycuh I wanted you. More than anything else I wanted you.
There was a time when I believed if I prayed hard enough I would meet the guy of my dreams. I thought for sure he’d show up in my life. Only when I turned away from praying, from faith, did I finally find someone to love. I didn’t save you in that Shadesburgh Graveyard because I thought you would be the one. I saved you because I couldn’t bear to see anymore people die. Especially Zycuh Hunpo.
Yeah, dude, I recognized the username from the big tournament hosted by Epic Possibilities. The one where you came in second. I rooted for you. I was THERE. In the audience. Jumping up and down in a mini-skirt, tubetop, flip-flops and pigtails because I’d heard rumors that’s how you liked your girls. Standing next to me in the audience was another girl dressed the same way. And to my left another. I was just another girl in the crowd. Everyone else dressed that way.
Can you believe it? I admired the badass Zycuh Hunpo.
I ran backstage, with a backstage pass I bought, hoping to meet you. I wanted to be just like you. A true badass. With my pass, I made it to the back and there was a line. I heard you were giving out autographs. I didn’t want an autograph. I wanted to slip you my phone number.
Dammit, I was pathetic for having a ####ing crush. ####ing stupid.
In the line I finally made to being the third person. The next was a guy who got your sig and got a pic with you. And then the second was this blonde girl dressed just like me. Except her clothes were all white. She was blonde and her name was Michelle. I’d caught sight of her badge. She ran up to you, and hugged you. Of course I was jealous. And THEN she slipped you a business card. I had no idea what she did, but she whispered in your ear and you blushed. Then she kissed you on the lips.
I didn’t see what happened next.
My phone rang, and it was my sister Strawberry. She said it was really important. Crushed, I left that line—running, with my flops slapping the floor. I remember that echoing. I remember almost every detail from that night. Strawberry was crying her eyes out.
I begged her to tell me what happened.
She finally told me. Lilly, our older sister, had died in a car accident just thirty minutes earlier.
My heart stopped, and I told her I’d call her right back. I looked at my text messages. I had sent the last text to Lilly thirty-one minutes earlier. It hit me then like a slab of concrete. I had text her a picture and said in all caps how important it was that she saw this pic. A pic of my crush. My future boyfriend. I had sent her a pic of YOU, on stage, determination plastered on your face. Two people were near you. A girl with tan skin and pink and purple pigtails. She looked serious. The guy on your right, I couldn’t see his face. All I know was his gamer name started with a Z too.
I took one last look at that picture and deleted it. I was done daydreaming about Zycuh Hunpo.
It was a long drive home that night. I made it to the hospital after almost two hours. Mom, Dad, and Strawberry were all there. Strawberry shook her head and handed me the only thing that hadn’t been destroyed in the terrible accident. Lilly’s phone. I flipped it open and on the screen was her last message—a response to mine. She had typed a text but never had the chance to send it.
‘Wow, he’s a cutie. I’m not into gamers but I know gaming is your life Jubilee. He’ll be your first boyfriend, won’t he? Go snag him! Luv ya, Juby.’
That was it. In trying to hit send, she had veered into the wrong lane and struck a semi-truck, head on at seventy miles per hour.
How the phone had survived, I had no idea. But it was all I had really had left of Lilly. She didn’t have a lot of stuff and lived far away, in Toronto.