I Just Can't Say Goodbye

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A Friend's Worth

Jia pulled out the list of contact details Anthon gave her and looked at them carefully. As planned,  she would contact them all and make them commit for the planned reunion. In the middle part of the list,  she found Giselle's name and contact details. She frowned as her thoughts flew back to the times of their friendship.  From first to third year in high school,  she was her bestfriend until she found her new group.

Giselle was an outgoing person while she was the timid one. Giselle love to chat and laugh around while she was a woman of few words. It was  no wonder then why  Giselle got new friends. A  saying goes this way, " birds of the same feathers, flock together."

Nevertheless,  Giselle never left her abruptly until Jay took over. Somehow,  they still talked and went out together once in a while. Giselle talked about anything and was so bubbly but she always held reservations for herself. She kept a lot of her personal matters about herself to which Jia respected. On the contrary, she was like a sponge that held a heavy load of Jia's excitement and defeat over Anthon.

For many times,  she was an accomplice in setting up their plans in stalking Anthon out. For an instance, they pretended to go inside a library to find a certain book but their main objective was to see Anthon for a long time while he was having a group study in that library.  

During their fourth year, Anthon was already so occupied in his CAT group that she seldom saw him. She wondered why they all got so attached to their new group that they gathered around even outside CAT sessions. They were still in the same class but she was seated at the corner of the first row.She was too afraid to turn around her head,  Anthon might think she was looking at him. Somehow,  she still often see him looking at her intensely but he always looked away hastily when caught.

After Jay called her up for the gathering,  Jia asked Giselle for a talk.  It had been a very long time since they had last seen each other. She just missed her. They met later at the city park near their school before.

In her sophisticated figure,  Jia was caught by surprise. Giselle used to be a carefree teen who suited well with stashed jeans and shirts larger than herself. However today,  she was totally the opposite. In high heels,  she towered above her. Tucked in a sleeveless, white blouse over a tight - fitting khaki jeans and a light make up and few jewelries, she stood elegant before her. Yet,  her smile was still so warm and accomodating. The real Giselle in her memory.

"Why are you in a daze?  Are you seeing a goddess? "She said as she giggled.

"I regret seeing you. You have turned into such a beautiful and elegant woman whose sleeves I am so unworthy to touch! " She exclaimed with half truth into it. The more her self - esteem got blown out.

"Crazy! " She angrily replied as Giselle hugged her tight.

" Enough for that.. How are you lately? " Their conversation then started and went endless. However,  towards the end,  Giselled revealed something that shattered her tiniest string of hope.

" I am so sorry,  Jia. I knew Anthon was someone for you in the past. But I am sure you have already forgotten him over the years. That was just a highlight of our childish and crazy infatuation."

Without a word from her,  she continued, " The world is just so small and so I never expected that this will come. Few months from now,  I and Anthon are getting married. "

Giselle did not give details on how they met and so Jia did not dare to ask. But she was just so unfair in presuming that she had already forgotten him.

"I am three months pregnant.." With this, her eyes reddened and a tear fell down to which she hastily brushed away.

"Why are you crying then?  Aren't you happy? " Jia was suddenly curious but trembling inside. .

"Tears of joy! " She chuckled gently..

Upon recalling this,  her chest tightened. And she heard him again in her mind.

" Let's do the papers then,  Jia. Please,  marry me. "

" Can I hold you for a while?  Just this once,  please? "

She saw herself again in his arms...in his kiss... in their passionate surrender to each other.

She saw herself again as she left him and as she walked her way down the mountain, in a total emotional mess. She did not know how long did she walk. If exhaustion from that long travel on foot would ease the bloody pain,  she would be more than willing to walk more and farther. She did not know how much tears were shed and how gravely she sobbed.

She wanted to fight for her right. She knew deep inside that Anthon was sincere. But she could not fight against an unborn baby who deserved to have a family. Giselle was her bestfriend who stood many times for her. A friend who listened to her endless sighs. A friend who loved and spent her years with her.

How Giselle looked that day in the park was a perfect match for the stunning aura of Anthon. They were both succesful and she was nothing.

Jia sobbed her heart out into the long night until she fell asleep with a broken heart.



Marilyn Lucero

Edited: 28.08.2019

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