I Just Can't Say Goodbye

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I Saw Them Hugged and Kissed

They were both awakened in the morning by the loud banging of Jia's bedroom door. It was the first time that Jia slept without Jian by her side. It was also the first time that she slept in Jim's arms. They were both drained out, and their dinner was forgotten. They were only planning for a short nap but all ended up in a deep sleep.

"Mommy!!!  Open the door! "Jian was already impatiently yelling.

"Coming!" Jia replied and rushed up to sit down but was instantly pinned to the bed. Jim hovered on top of her and gave her a sweet,  morning kiss.

"Can we sleep again together next time? " He teased her and a wide grin reached out to his ears.

" Addiction is bad!" She shyly replied.

"Then it would be the most sinful thing I would want to do in my life! "

"Dr.  Wayne,  open the door!  There's an emergency. " She shifted the topic back to her son who was already banging wildly on the door.

Once in,  Jian run fast,  hopped on to Jim's lap and clung sweetly to his neck. "Daddy,  please make me a chocolate porridge."

"How do I get paid for that? " He smiled back while holding him tight.

Jian  knew the answer  and he immediately showered a hundred kisses to Jim's face. His light and wet kisses sent tickling sensations to his face that he giggled hard until tears came out from his eyes.

"Alright,  alright! I will give an additional bonus of more milk and marshmallows!"

The two disappeared hand in hand and Jia was left lying lazily on her bed. She closed her eyes while cursing herself for being so fixatedly in love with Anthon. Jim had already given her everything including his heart and soul. Most of all, his love for Jian.

Then why should he stick stubbornly in her heart?  This was already an act of ingratitude.

She stood up and did a quick shower. Then,  she went out slowly and headed to the dining room. Unintentionally,  she overheard Jim and Jian in their conversation. So,  she stopped and hid at the side of the door while trying to eavesdrop.

" Baby,  how's your daddy Anthon? "

" We did lots of things together. "

"Were you happy with him? "

"Yeah!  He paused for a while to chew the rest of the food in his mouth.

"Was mommy happy,  too? "

" I did not think so because mommy was always crying."

" Do you think mommy and daddy Anthon were happy together? "

" I saw them hugged and kissed each other. "

"Did  daddy Anthon slept with her? "

"No,  I slept with him in his house. "

"Where did you see them kissing each other? "

"By the door or in the car as daddy Anthon said goodbye. "

Jia's heartbeat almost stopped as Jim's question became deeper.

"After kissing mommy, he also kissed you? " Jim asked further.

"No,  he kissed me first then said goodbye. "

Jia coud not take it anymore. She suddenly became afraid that Jian might had happened to see them both in a long and passionate kiss. She knew she betrayed Jim that way but she had not yet given him her commitment.  She never even responded an "I love you" except that morning on a video call with him.  It was only an act of pretention to let Anthon realize that she could, indeed,  not turn back anymore. 
She retreated some steps backward and pretend to call out while heading towards them.

"Jian! "

"Mommy! "

Jim immediately stood up as he pulled out a chair for her to sit down.
He, then,  filled a bowl with the chocolate porridge,  put some milk and  nuts in it and placed it before her.

"Here,  eat. Is there anything you like? " He asked while stirring her bowl.

This made Jia's heart sank. Jim did not deserved her betrayal. The more he showed her his overwhelming affection,  the more she felt the guilt. Perhaps,  the easiest way to end her folly was the marriage itself.

"Jian said you were always crying? "
He said without looking at her.

" Because I was always reading  romance/fiction novels to shake off the boredom." She lied.

" Then I have nothing to worry 
about." He smiled as he replied. But she knew that he did not believe her.

"Jim, may I now start to prepare the papers for our wedding? Let's make it totally private. I am afraid your family would not approve me to be your wife. "

Jim turned to her angrily. "We are not tyrants, Jia. As long as I am happy in this decision, then it's also fine for them. If not,  who cares? 
My wife  deserved the best wedding ceremony! "

"And Jia,  let's delay it a little. There's still something to be fixed. "

"What?  And when? " She was caught surprised. Before she left,  he had been so excited. And now,  he's delaying it?

He did not say anything.  Instead, he lead her back to her room quietly. Jian was already in his playroom, pulling out the toys Anthon had bought him.

" Until you are ready. " He said sadly as he locked the door.

Jia seemed confused. "I would not ask you if I am not ready! "

Jim pinned her to the door gently. 
"Jia,  kiss me as hard as you did with Anthon. Then let me know afterwards if you're ready."

She was stunned. She could not look straight into his eyes.

"Marriage is absolutely not the way to forget him."



Marilyn Lucero

Edited: 28.08.2019

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