I Just Can't Say Goodbye

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As the days progressed,  Felix got excited everyday to see the changes in Glenda. From  breast soreness to fatigue; from morning sickness to weight gain; from skin changes to the enlargement of her belly.

In his excitement,  long before her expected date of delivery, the baby's room was already fully furnished with crib,  playpen, walker,  stroller and many others.

But the most unfortunate was Glory,  the OB.  Everyday,  she was bombarded with questions , worries and concerns. She was repeatedly asked about what or what was not appropriate,  what were or what were not expected. But she never appeared for a physical assessment. She was always too busy,  and accordingly,  doing fine. Anyway,  she was describing to her everything that she felt.

On her last trimester, when the baby was almost due,  she called her to do an ultrasound to check for any problem or congenital anomalies.Most importantly, to check the gender of the baby. She was also excited to finally have a niece or nephew!  

It really took her a hard time in convincing her,  since she refused to know the gender ahead. She did not even personally appear for her prenatal check ups. All she did was shower her with lots of deranging calls! If not for the fact that she was her sister - in - law,  she would have straightforwardly refused to go ahead with her prenatal care.

Lying on a maternity table,  Glenda closed her eyes anxiously. Would her baby be a girl or a boy? Would she or he look like her or  Felix?

However,  when Dr.  Glory ran her doppler stick all throughout her abdomen while looking on the monitor,  her eyes widened in shock!  There was no heartbeat,  there was not a single kick,  no movement at all!

She breathed deeply to conceal her combusting feelings. How could she break it to her?  How could she let her know that there was no baby at all in those nine months she patiently waited?  How could she hurt their expectations and excitement?

"Glenda,  do you want to know the gender? "

Glenda laughed hard as if the question tickled her most sensitive parts. She was just too happy and excited!

" A surprise would still be better so I guess,  I won't tell you ahead. I just wanna know her condition. " She laughed, completely concealing her fear inside. She needed to buy more time and discuss it with Felix...

Alone with Felix a day after in her clinic, she sorrowfully told him the truth.

"Brod,  there's no baby.. I'm so sorry.
It's a false pregnancy. We could have known about it earlier if only she submitted to my care. But she's not showing up. All she did was call,  call,  call,  ruining my day with her nonsensical questions. "

Felix eyes bulged out in shock!  He just could not accept it. How did it happen?  He saw it all, from the missed period to her morning sickness and even to the movement inside her belly.

" It's called pseudocyesis. "

False pregnancy, clinically termed pseudocyesis, is the belief of a woman that she is expecting a baby when she is not really carrying a child. People with pseudocyesis have many, if not all, symptoms of pregnancy -- with the exception of an actual fetus.

Doctors and researchers, although the factors causing it are still not clear,  consider psychological factors as the main root of pseudocyesis.

When a woman feels an intense desire to get pregnant which may be because of infertility, repeated miscarriages,  impending menopause or a desire to get married, her body may produce some pregnancy signs such as a swollen belly, enlarged breasts and even the sensation of fetal movement. The woman's brain then misinterprets those signals as pregnancy, and triggers the release of hormones that lead to actual pregnancy symptoms.

"Sis,  please help me. I don't want to disappoint her. She may not be able to handle this. As you can see it,  our house is already full of baby materials. She might go crazy! "
Felix pleaded,  his face was as gloomy as  dark clouds threatened by a storm.

"Go home first and think about this. "
Dr. Glory said sadly,  her heart was as shattered as his.

"Felix,  why are you here? " Maxine's face glowed in surprise.

"Should you be surprised?  I'm here to visit my children and their
mother! "

Maxine sanked back. She had already set her mind to forget him. She thought that her wife's pregnancy would make their love story a forgotten history.  Nothing was too hard to do if one was willing and that included her will to let go of the past and forget. She had now his children in her womb,  and that was more than she could ask. She had been defeated in the first place,  when she decided to choose her career over the fulfillment of their love. Yet,  she was not totally a loser,  a part of him would be totally hers forever. And that was through her children.

"Max, have you not controlled your eating habit?  Why is your belly too big? " Felix frowned in disappointment. He was afraid that she might have difficulty in pushing them out later.

"Thanks for giving me two children,  Felix.  They are twins. "

Felix 's eyes lit up!  A solution to his problem was now at hand. He hugged her tightly and kissed her deeply.

"I am having twins? " He laughed hard,  too overwhelmed by the news. 
"My twins,  Felix. They are mine,  not yours. " Maxine looked at him with a determined look.

"Forget me and focus on the care of your child with Glenda. "

All of a sudden,  the excitement in his eyes fleeted away as he told her the story.

"She cannot have a child,  Max.  She just can't. "

Marilyn Lucero

Edited: 28.08.2019

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