I Just Can't Say Goodbye

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He's Gone

"You're here. I thought... "

He just lovingly looked into her eyes but  ignored her unspoken questions.

"You're scaring him. " He said,  turning his glance towards Jim.

Having realized the impact of what she did to Jim,  she ran towards him and knelt by his side.

"I'm sorry,  dear. I just felt I was already exploding. All these time, I had been keeping all my pain  and had been pretending that I am strong. But you made me go crazy with fear and sadness. "

"Please,  be strong and fight back. It's all in your mind.  Please,  don't dare to leave me. " She pleaded sincerely,  bawling her eyes out.

He looked down at her and clamped one arm around her neck while pressing her head into his face. He closed his eyes and cried, feeling the more severe pain he would  soon be causing  her.

"I'm sorry, dear. I'm sorry for hiding this. I just didn't want you to worry. "

Mr. Wayne, Anthon and all those around also cried with them.

"Now,  please bring me to the
beach. " He pleaded.

"Okay. " She finally consented,  now that she had released her pain and fear.

Anthon placed him on a wheelchair and wheeled him to his car. Jia then slid into the driver's seat and slowly pulled out of the garage. Looking at his posture,  she stopped and pulled down the lever to allow him into a reclining position. She knew he was in pain but he never heard him complain. Of course,  she caught him using Morphine sulfate , one of the most potent narcotic  pain reliever.

"Is it better? " She asked,  waited for his reply then planted a kiss in his forehead.

When they were already in the highway, Jim started to talk.

"Have you seen our house in Jian's Garden? " He asked as he stared at her.

"I have not. We'll go there together. "
She replied,  stealing glances at him.

"Is your music room installed? "
He asked again.

"I really did not ask about it yet. Sorry,  dear. I just didn't want to go and leave you. "

"It's okay. Just please, let Anthon set up a playroom also,  for the kids.

"Thank you,  Jim. It's so thoughtful of you. "

"I have a separate savings. I have already transferred it to you. "

Jia suddenly stopped and looked at him. "You're there again. I'd better let this car fly so that I won't be left hurting at your loss. We, then,  can die together. "

Jim paused for a while,  slid his arm around her,  and begged.

"Sweetheart, please,  don't get angry. I just want to talk my heart out to you while I still can. "

Jia was moved. Perhaps,  he had many things he wanted to say. Perhaps,  he also wanted to be heard and understood. Just as how she felt everytime she wanted to talk to Koko.

"Okay,  dear. I will listen now. Let's talk about everything once we will be in the beach. "

Soon,  they were already at their rented beach house. Jia then helped Jim to the wheelchair and placed him by the cottage near the shore.

"Sweetheart, you're still young and beautiful.  If you're going to remarry  in the future,  I wish you would consider Anthon only.  Just love him again. I would only go in peace if you can promise this to 
me. Only he can love you and the kids as much as I do. "

Feeling her spine crept up with goosebumps,  she pulled to a stop again and faced him.

"Jiiiiiiim,  what are you talking 
about? I will always be Mrs. Jim Wayne. And you're not going  away. "

Jim kept silent as he sensed that Jia was hurting again. He looked towards the sea and watched the waves rolling by. An unexplained sorrow crept into his whole being.

Jia stood at his back while enclosing him with her arms. He  also held both of her hands and kissed it over and over again for a long while. As if those were  treasures which were soon to be taken away.

Then,  suddenly, as if remembering something, he turned to her.

"Dear,  may I have your smoothie again? "  He sweetly asked as he went on kissing her hands.

"Sure,  I 'll call the house and have it sent over here. "Jia said reassuringly.

"I want you to get it for me. Who knows then if this may be my last request. Please? " He looked at her with begging eyes, making her unable to refuse.

"But you would be alone if I'd leave." She was honestly reluctant to leave him alone.

"It's just a matter of thirty minutes. I won't die yet. I will be waiting for you. " He laughed, easing her fear away.

So,  Jia hurriedly left as requested.

The moment she was gone,  Jim felt a sense of relief as he closed her eyes. He had been too exhausted in his effort to pretend. Somewhere deep inside, he felt a sense of an immense fatigue. A feeling of tiredness which seemed to plunged him down into a pit. In every moment  that passed by,  his dizziness intensified and his breathing suddenly became labored.

He really felt something unusual and this started when he asked to be brought here. But now it got worse. He understood that it was an omen of his death.

He forced to open his eyes and looked faraway. Suddenly,  everything became blurry as his spinning became worse.

Then,  from the shore,   he thought he saw someone coming to him. She was dressed in white and seemed to be floating. She,  then, stopped before him and smiled, stretching out a hand.

"Dr. Jim,   I'm here to take your pain away. "

Her voice which echoed against the eerie silence of the atmosphere seemed to fade slowly in his ears as he finally lost his consciousness.

___

Jia hurried back inside as she pulled out from the refrigerator the smoothies that she prepared ahead.
She knew well that the reason why Jim always requested for it, was because he wanted to show her his appreciation of this very simple thing she did for him.  After placing it safely in a box, she then ran back towards the car. Seeing that her family followed her with bewildered looks,  she yelled out.



Marilyn Lucero

Edited: 28.08.2019

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