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I didn't get any sleep at all last night. The picture of Jason's body flashes through my mind every time I close my eyes and a small voice in my head keeps telling me everything is my fault, although I try my best not to listen to it.
It's not my fault Jason is dead, it can't be. Noah killed him, and therefore, it's Noah's fault. I know I shouldn't feel guilty since there was no way I could've known what Noah would do, but I still do. I can't help it. Noah killed Jason because of me. If it wasn't for me, Jason would still be alive. But he's not.
He's dead and he will never come back. Ever.
Getting over his death will be hard, especially with Noah around. Noah is a constant reminder of what I witnessed just a few hours ago. I can't look at him without seeing a murderer. Heck, I can barely think about him. But there's no way to avoid him.
The clock on my bedside table is showing 10:27. Classes started a long time ago, but I didn't even bother trying to find the strength to go. The police are all over the campus, patrolling and investigating. I bet everyone has heard the news about Jason by now. Why wouldn't they?
Noah left our room a few hours ago, probably to attend his classes but not before reminding me to keep my mouth shut. I don't know what is the hardest, to be honest. Fighting the urge to tell someone, or fighting the urge to keeping my mouth shut. I wonder what will happen if I do tell someone. Maybe they will arrest Noah before he has time to do anything? But what if they don't?
Sighing, I slowly force myself out of my bed. I have to do something, anything. I need a distraction from my thoughts.
Tamara is probably in class, and since I've already decided on skipping, that's off the list. I bet she's been calling and texting me a hundred times as well, but I haven't bothered to check my phone at all.
I could call Chase and ask him if he's busy, but the thing is that I'm afraid. Afraid that I might not be able to control myself if I'm with him. If I see him face to face right now, I'm not sure I'm able to keep all secrets inside of me anymore. If I meet him, I'm almost sure I'd tell him about Noah and I'm not sure if that's such a great idea.
I guess I have to be alone after all. That's the only way I know I won't spill any secrets.
Since I haven't slept anything, I contemplate on whether I should go and grab a coffee or not, but then I realize Jason used to work at the café and decide against it. Instead, I realize I could use a shower and I quickly grab everything I need and make my way to the showers.
I'm all alone when I enter the room, probably because everyone else has classes right now, and I slowly enter one of the showers stalls and put my towel on a hanger before stepping into the shower. I've come to understand that it's totally normal to walk to and from the bathroom in just a towel, so I stopped bringing clothes with me unless I knew Noah would be in our room.
I let the hot water soak my body and I imagine it washing away all of my worries, although I know it won't. Since I'm not in a hurry whatsoever, I take my time shampooing and conditioning my hair and I bet I stay in the shower for a good half an hour at least. I have to make use of the time I got now when I'm alone. I'm glad if I get more than a maximum of five minutes in the mornings when it seems like the whole campus wants to shower at the exact same time.
I dry myself off and wrap the towel around my body again before I unlock the stall and step out with my shampoo and conditioner in my hand.
"That took time", someone suddenly says and I almost scream in surprise, which soon turns into fear.
"W-wha... what are you doing here?" I stutter, my free hand taking a firm grip onto my towel to make sure it's safely secured around my chest.
"What do you think?" Noah smirks and eyes me up and down without even caring to be discrete.
"I don't know", I blurt out, "that's why I was asking."
"Well", Noah says as he takes a step closer towards me, "I was just checking up on you."
"Why?" I ask as I cautiously take a few steps back until I'm almost inside the stall again.
"Because I was worried about you", he says in a sickly sweet tone, "you weren't in class."
I get a sudden urge to punch him in the face because of his last words, but I don't. Angering him now would just be plain stupid.
"You should go", I say slowly, "you can't be seen in here."
"It's fine", he quickly says, "no one's coming in here for a while. Everyone is holding a minute of silence and shit in the auditorium."
I flinch at the coldness in his voice. "When did it start?"
"I don't know", he shrugs, "a few minutes ago. Not that it matters for you because you won't go."
"But I want to", I mumble, probably sounding like a child.
"Too bad", Noah smirks, "because you won't."
"I hate you", I say, almost matter of factly.
"For now", he replies quickly, a smirk playing in the corner of his lips.
"Please go", I beg him. The fact that no one is here besides Noah and me terrifies me to be honest. I don't trust Noah, I don't trust him at all. I have all the reasons in the world not to.
"I'll leave on one condition", he says smugly and I immediately shake my head.
"Go on another date with me", he cuts me off.