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What then was the essence of the surgery if I could die? If it meant this, then I was better off being blind forever. That way, I'd still have my loved ones with me.
The surgery could go to hell if you'd ask me.
"I'm not going through with it." I said. We were still in the doctor's office at the moment.
"Sweetie, what are you saying?" Mum asked.
"I don't want to be operated on. I'm not interested in the surgery." I answered and mum was stunned, I could tell. Her breathing was convulsive.
"But what if—" She tried to give reasons but I stopped her.
"No mum! No buts... That's my final decision." I snapped. It wasn't my intention to be rude but I just wanted to make myself clear.
"I'm afraid that's a terrible decision Miss Raymond. Judging from the questions I asked you and the laboratory test results, you have to be operated or else the headaches will keep getting worse and that could lead to something terminal." The doctor said.
I couldn't believe what I heard. I couldn't believe I was in a dilemma. You could call this being in between the devil and the deep blue sea.
So if I go through with the surgery, I might die and if I don't go through it, I'd also die soon?
What lesson was life trying to teach me? That I could never get everything I wanted? Well, it proved that by making me blind, never seeing the break of dawn, the sun, moon, stars, my family, friends, my home, people at school and everywhere else. The list could go on for centuries.
So life, what exactly are you trying to prove? That even in my misery, I couldn't have an ounce of happiness? There wasn't a guarantee to my happily ever after?
I felt an agonizing pain I couldn't decipher.
"Please can I talk to her alone for a minute?" Jason asked. I was a little surprised, I wasn't sure if he wanted me to go through with it or not. It appeared everyone was surprised as well. Silence erupted and I waited for their response.
"All right, you can speak with each other for five minutes. We'll be outside if you need us." Doctor O'Brien agreed and mum and dad stood up along with him. Soon they were gone, I listened as they shut the door.
"Oh Jason, I don't know what to do." I cried my eyes out. It wasn't everyday one heard that one would die soon.
In a twinkling, I was hauled into his laps. I tried to conceal my face. I didn't want him to see me in tears but he cupped my cheek and wiped my tears off with his thumbs.
"Please don't cry! It hurts me to see you cry." He said and his words incited more tears. I cried so much, I knew I'd have a nagging headache later.
"I might never see you again. I might never be with you all again. I just can't take it." I sobbed. The agony was just too much.
"Who said that would happen?" He countered my words. I got confused. Didn't he listen to the doctor saying that I might die?
He seemed to acknowledge my confusion by speaking immediately.
"Yeah, he said that you might die in the process but that is just a probability. What if after it all, you're able to see? What if you don't die after all?" He said
I began to reason and take mental notes on what he said. Was he right?
"This isn't the Cassiopeia I know. This isn't the girl I fell in love with. The girl I love is beautiful and strong. She would never let anything deter her from going after what she wants. Cassieopia, you're brave and this could be a shot at happiness for you." His words motivated me beyond everything but I still had some levels of uncertainty.
"But Jason, what if I die? I can't bear to lose you, my family and all I've worked hard for." I replied. By a miracle, the tears had ceased but my voice was still quiet hoarse.
"Shh!" He placed his index finger on my lips, hushing me, when I fell silent, he continued.
"Stop being so negative. Of course, it could get worse but it could also get better. When life throws you a mishap, you don't just run from, it. No! You face it and give all the best you've got." I nodded.
"Also don't think I'm ready to lose you. I haven't gotten this far only to watch you die. I can't let the love of my life die. We have a future together. I can't wait to welcome our kids and live happily ever after. You cant die!" he also said.
If I wasn't slightly traumatized, I would have laughed and concurred to everything he said. Not withstanding, I grinned. I believed Jason must have indirectly asked me to be his, forever; to marry him.
It felt amazingly right thinking about our future. Furthermore, I could help but smile while thinking about our kids. I knew they would be exceedingly charming and beautiful. I hoped they had traits of Jason's unique but sublime character. He would definitely be a good father.
"Remember; God doesn't give you a challenge you can't handle! He'd support you through this. Just trust Him." Jason's voice invaded my thoughts.
Oh wait! I had to add “a huge source of motivation” to the list of reasons I was in love with him.
I knew I had God with me but was His plan really for me to undergo the surgery?
YES! A silent voice screamed into my heart and washed off my doubts.
"Yes!... I agree to go through with the operation." I said with every fibre of my being.
"I knew you'd agree. I'm so proud of you." Jason laughed and hugged me, my head on the crook of his neck. It was a laugh full of love to my ears.
He instantly pressed his lips against mine and gave me a breathtaking kiss. All I could do was give into the kiss like it was my last. I knew we had more than a million more kisses to share.
I knew I made the right decision!