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The answer to my question was given, or better yet, thrown at me when I got through the lobby and out the hospital.
I realized the pain would never leave me!
As I looked at the enormous SUV waiting to take us home and Maxwell holding out the door for us to get in, I remembered Jason carrying me bridal style into the vehicle insisting that till the operation commenced, he would be my means of transportation.
A fresh wave of tears streamed down my cheeks as I walked—all by myself— into the vehicle not before saying another final goodbye to Jeremy. I offered him a ride but he declined, saying he had a motorbike.
"It's gonna be okay Cassie, you'll see!" Ana, who sat beside me, commented while hugging me. I made sure the hug went by as quick as possible before shrugging her off and looking out the window.
She had no idea how I felt and she definitely had no idea that it would never get better. That I would never find someone like him. Someone who knew me better than myself. Someone I loved and who loved me back with the same fervour.
Instead of correcting her and screaming how bad life had turned out to be, I clipped my mouth shut and looked at the buildings and vehicles we passed by, trying to kick the pain out for the time being.
It was impossible nevertheless.
I cried silently, muffling teary sounds in my throat. My lips quivered slightly and I attempted sniffing in the small amount of catarrh threatening to spill any moment. Requesting for tissue paper would make it loud and clear to everyone that I was crying.
"We are home!" Dad announced just as the vehicle pulled over. I had no idea of how long the journey from the hospital took but wasn't quite a long distance. I managed to brush off the tears quickly and swapped my attention to them. We all got down and the sun blasted my face to the point that I had to make use of my hand as a shield. It was September twelve and still summer so I understood why it was extremely hot in the day and seldom rainy or cool at night.
I looked above, at the sun, squinting terribly and struggling to get accustomed to the heat and brightness. The sun was luminous and beautiful! Without warning, I broke into a smile as I watched it glow, amazed that something so little could disseminate so great a light.
Who was I kidding? I had enough knowledge from the little geography in highschool to know the sun was enormous and the earth revolved around it. However, staring at it, it looked like a little blazing ball.
"Don't stare at it for a long time. It could damage the eyes." Dad's words of caution shunned off my thoughts and I looked ahead of me towards the direction of my house.
One word to describe my house was Gigantic!
I gasped, rooted on the same spot, wondering how I had been living here and had absolutely no idea of how large it was. If dad hadn't announced that we were home, I'd have been befuddled if it was really ours.
"Holy shit! Is this where I've been living my whole life?" Don't blame me, I had to ask. Realizing I was open-mouthed, I shut it immediately not wanting to be caught and possibly ridiculed by Ana.
"You kids swear a lot." Mom stated, rolling her eyes. "In answer to your question, you haven't lived here your whole life because based on precise facts, we moved here when you were still a baby."
I nodded and resumed walking towards it still astonished. We climbed over the few flights of stairs which led to the grand porch leaving Maxwell to park the SUV at the garage. When we got into the house, it was relatively large in size but what caught my attention were the different colours that adorned the house. Something flew past me, was it a- balloon? I peered into the living room and saw what I suspected was the same balloon only this time a large number of them littered and flew around idly as well as small pieces or strips of what I think was colourful paper thrown about.
I looked over at my parents and Ana only to see them with weird expressions and silly grins on their faces. Realization dawned on me.
"Are those-—?" I was gonna say balloons and confetti but some people beat me to it, confirming my observation.
"SURPRISE!" Some individuals behind us chorused, grinning like kids on Christmas. I was baffled! I could only recognize Tess, Dan and Phillip but the others were vaguely familiar.
"SURPRISE!" This time, mum, dad and Ana joined them in saying the word after a short period of me remaining silent. I had an odd sense of déjà vu as I reminisced when we planned a surprise party for Jason and he seemed hesitant which made us chant the word twice.
I had a lump in my throat as I remembered yet again that this was so similar and I was thinking about Jason again. Smiling proved difficult but I took a stab at it. Everyone seemed too happy and appearing sad and depressed would definitely ruin their moods.
So I had to cheer up. At least, for them.
They seemed to believe my smile was genuine and not forced as they wobbled towards me, giving me individual hugs and saying congratulations. Congratulations for what I thought?
And then I remembered; I could see!
One thing that turned out right at the end of the day was I could see and for that I was delighted and my mood immediately altered and I found myself grinning with the crowd.
If they had spent even a little of their time planning this, then I didn't want it to go to waste. Putting that in mind, I cackled as a metallic crown was placed on my head. I had no doubt Ana was the mastermind behind this celebration.
I was given a glass containing fruit punch instead of champagne—strict instructions from the doctors—as everyone waited for dad to make a toast.
"To my daughter, the second love of my laugh," Everyone chortled as I pouted feigning jealousy over being placed second place after mum. I wasn't bothered though, mum deserved the first spot.