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I was sitting alone at the bleachers outside of school, Avan wasn't beside me this time. He had long left, telling me that he had something cropped up at home and he couldn't stay. He apologised over and over that he couldn't be with me, that he couldn't help me with anything when in fact he was the one that was always there helping me through it all. He doesn't know how good he is, he doesn't know that he might just be too good for me.
He had left after giving me a small hug, waving goodbye as he walked backwards. He had gave me a smile but he didn't look too happy. The side of his eyes didn't crinkle the way it used to and they don't shine as bright as they used to. In fact, he looked down but I didn't question anything as I just watched him leave.
And now, I'm just watching as the football players run around the large field, throwing balls at one another. There were only a few people hanging around, a couple making out at the back and a few other people just sitting around, doing nothing.
My legs were swinging around freely as my eyes stared at the busy field in front of me while my mind roamed somewhere else. Everything else around seemed to disappear, vanishing into thin air. The noise around me seemed to have muted itself as well. And all of a sudden, I was in my own world once again.
All that was running through my mind were the words that had tumbled out of Avan's mouth just some time ago. They were going on and on, as though they were running through a tunnel that doesn't see the end. But I no longer had the urge to cry and I was no longer on the verge of tears, I don't think I had any tears left to cry. Instead, I was mad. I was filled with all these pent up anger inside of me, pumping through my veins like adredaline.
I was furious that he just left, left without a trace, without saying anything. I used to hate myself my falling for someone like him, I used to hate myself for believing that we would last till the day we die. But now, all that hatred for myself had became hate for him.
I realised sorrow and sadness had always wind up to become anger and pain. Maybe it was just me, I don't know. It's at times like this I question the existence of emotions and feelings. Why must one feel things? Why must one experience such pain and sorrow and anger? Why am I even feeling something for Ethan?
He doesn't deserve it, that's what I kept telling myself, reciting it in my head for what felt like the hundredth time. The sun that was once shining ever so brightly in the clear blue sky had now set and the sky was starting to darken. Most people had already left long ago, even the couple at the back was gone. It's just me now, sitting alone on the empty bleachers.
The wind had ruffled my already messy hair and I let out a soft sigh. "I should go," I muttered to myself before slowly standing up to leave.
I grabbed my bike that was lying on the ground and cycled home, a hobby that I have picked up recently. That feeling when the breeze blows at my face and my hair always feel so amazing, so surreal. Cycling down the new street I am now living at, watching as people walk by and the cute little houses that I would pass by.
I stopped right outside, gently leaning my bike against the dirty brick wall.
"Hey mum," I greeted as soon as I entered the house, locking the door behind me while removing my shoes to put them aside neatly.
"Hey sweetheart, how's school?" She asked from the couch, her eyes still fixed on the television playing her favorite reality show.
"It's okay, nothing much. I'm heading to my room," I informed, ready to leave when I heard my mum called me from behind.
"Bailey! There's a parcel for you on the table."
I quirked an eyebrow in response. "A parcel? I didn't order anything online though..."
She merely shrugged and her eyes went back to look at the television once again.
I slowly made my way to the table, my curious eyes examining the parcel that was wrapped in thick brown paper. A familiar hand writing was scribbled across the front, it said "To Bailey Rivers" with a small smilely face drawn beside it. A small smile graced my lips as a million possibilities raced through my brain. I picked it up gently, it was light, not as heavy as I expected.
With my fingers wrapped around the parcel, I carefully carried it upstairs and closed the door behind me. I was now in my room, pictures hung up on the walls just a few days ago. I plopped down onto my bed as I placed the parcel on my lap, staring at it for the longest time before I slowly unwrapped it. I tore off a small piece of wrapping paper to reveal a white hard surface. I continue ripping at that small hole I made, the scrap papers falling to the ground.
It's an album. I opened the first page to see a picture of us. It's when Ethan and I first met in middle school. I remember that day as clear as day. It was the first day of school. I remember sitting alone at the back of the class, away from everyone else. I didn't dare to talk to anyone, only talking when forced to. But Ethan saw me and he came over to sit on the empty seat beside me. I will never forget that smile he gave me before he introduced himself. He had asked someone to take a picture of us together and I held a peace sign up which he copied. Below the picture was a small note that said "The day we met."
The next page was a picture of us again. We were at the field after his high school football game and the sky was starting to darken. I had stripes of blue painted across my cheeks and I was on his back, my arms hanging loosely around his neck. I was in my cheer leader uniform and he was in his football uniform, his hair sticking down onto his sweaty forehead. The both of us had one of the brightest and widest smiles plastered across our tired faces, smiling like a couple idiots. Again, there was a note that read "My forever cheer leader- she never fails to make me smile."